05 February 2003 08:10

15 Things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking her
sweet-ass time....

1. Pick up cond0m packages & randomly put them in people's carts when they
aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, Code 3 in
housewares,' ... and see what happens
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick
your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows
where the antidepressants are
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from
'Mission Impossible.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME!
PICK ME!!!!!!'
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal
position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again.'

and last but not least,
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud We're out of toilet paper in
here!'